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Jennifer stared at the blank document on her computer screen. The page did not seem to want to be filled with words, at least not today.
She was working on her new novel but made little progress. The deadline was still a few months away so she didn’t panic just yet. She sat back in the chair in her office in their house. It was was a nice cozy office with a couch, a soft carpet and pictures of landscapes that Jonathan took on their vacations. She loved the adjacent library though she wasn’t sure if it was big enough to be called that.
Jennifer grabbed one of the mint Oreo cookies, turned the chair around and looked out the window into the back yard. She could see the ocean from there. It was one of the main reasons they bought this house. Both of them loved the ocean, the waves, the sound and the smell. It was relaxing.
It didn’t help her write her novel though. Not in this moment. She missed Jonathan. He and Glenn went to attend a physics conference in Boston, he wouldn’t get back home until the next weekend which was still 4 days away. 4 long days, she thought and sighed.
Suddenly something grabbed her attention. Something she saw in the back yard. And then it hit her. She turned the chair back around and started typing.
“That’s it!”, she said to herself. The words started flowing…


The Festival of the Three White Ravens was held every year in a little town at the coast. It was certainly unique and had it’s origins in the 19th century. Here, every child learned the story at school. Shortly after the town of Winchester was founded a group of people saw three white ravens fly over the ocean and land on a rock by the harbor. They were majestic. Their plumage and their beaks white as snow, their eyes bright blue. The people were scared because they thought they were a bad omen. But one of the ravens said: “Don’t fear us. We are Wisdom, Courage and Prosperity.” The people couldn’t believe their ears. Ravens couldn’t talk, it must be the work of the devil. They chased the ravens away and as they took flight each one of them left a glowing white feather. The people took them to the mayor and he kept them safe and the town flourished. Ever since then, ever year they would celebrate the Festival of the Three White Ravens where everyone dressed in white and shared their wisdom, their courage and their prosperity with each other.
That’s what the legend says. Who knows what really happened but the festival was beautiful and serene.
Jonathan, his wife Jennifer and their friends Anne and Sarah were about to leave the festival. They wanted to have a nice dinner at their favorite restaurant and were headed towards the parking lot. They passed many people dressed in white clothes and some curious tourists who didn’t quite know what to make of all this. The festival was held at the edge of town near a forest on a great lawn by the sea. It was very scenic. Shortly before they had to cross a little bridge over a creek Jonathan heard someone call his name. It was very faint and he couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman or even where the voice was coming from. He looked around. At the edge of the forest he saw a lonely figure with a long white robe looking right into his eyes. He stopped.
“What’s wrong?”, asked Jennifer.
“Nothing… I think. Excuse me for a minute.”
Jennifer was confused but Jonathan just had to go meet that person.
As he slowly approached the figure he started to see more details. It was a dark older woman with mysterious and deep blue yes staring right into his soul.
“Jonathan.”, she said in a deep voice that gave him goosebumps.
“How do you know my name? Who are you?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Well.. this is a weird situation so.. yeah.”
“I can see your broken soul, Jonathan MacLean”
He was confused. As a scientist he didn’t really believe in souls and how could they even break?
“My what?”, he was incredulous.
The mysterious woman stepped a little closer.
“I can see everything you’ve been through, your life, it broke your soul into pieces.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because there is something that you need to know.”
Jonathan had no idea what she trying to say but for some reason he listened to every word of what the woman told him. The things he needed to know to be prepared for what’s to come…

A lunch break with consequences…

“I still don’t understand how you can eat that.” Jonathan looked at his brother’s shrimp sandwich and shuddered. He didn’t like fish or seafood, he wouldn’t eat anything that lived in the ocean.
“It’s delicious, you don’t know what’s good.”, explained Thomas as he took a huge bite off his sandwich.
The twin brothers went to run some errands in town and were taking a lunch break in a little diner by the beach. They had lots of fish and seafood on the menu so Jonathan had just ordered grilled cheese with fries.
He liked the diner despite the sea food, it was a nice location with a beautiful view. It wasn’t very busy today.
“So have you changed your mind?”, Thomas asked. Jonathan was confused.
“About what?”
“Appearing on my show.”
Not this again, Jonathan thought. They’ve discussed it a million times. Thomas was a late night show host and had been trying to get his brother on the show for years. Jonathan didn’t want to. Thomas was very outgoing, loved to entertain people and make them laugh. Jonathan was more reserved. He preferred to be entertained rather than being the entertainer, especially not on national TV.
He took a sip from his ginger ale.
“No way in hell.”, he told his brother.
“Come on. Everybody wants to see you, I talk about you all the time, people are gonna think you’re just a figment of my imagination.”
Jonathan shrugged. “So?”
Thomas rolled his eyes as he continued to eat his sandwich. He seemed to be thinking about something.
“Oh, I’ve got an idea!”, he exclaimed after a few minutes.
“Listen to me.”
“What if you promised…”
“…that you come on my show if..”
“Dude, stop saying no.”
“No.” Jonathan continued, just because he knew it would annoy his brother.
“You’re coming on my show when you win the Nobel Prize.”
Jonathan had to chuckle at that. “What, are you serious? That’s never gonna happen and you know it.”
“You know I believe that you can do it, you’re a brilliant scientist and I’m not the only one who says that. Anyway, if you’re so sure that it’s not going to happen then you might as well agree.”
Jonathan didn’t think of himself as brilliant, he was just doing his job as best as he could and he thought nothing he’s working on was important enough to ever win a Nobel Prize.
“Alright.”, he finally said. “Let’s agree on that. If hell freezes over, IF I ever win a Nobel Prize then I’m gonna be on your show for a minute or two. But you’ll never bother me with it again until it happens. IF it happens.” Jonathan was sure that would stop Thomas from asking him every time they met and he was sure he’d never be on that stage in his life.
Thomas smiled. “Great. Let’s shake on that.” He offered his brother his hand.
“I’m not touching your shrimp hand.”
“You’re an idiot.” Thomas laughed.
Jonathan smiled.
They finished their sandwiches and were off again. Thomas wanted to see if he could buy himself a nice new suit…

The offer…

She came home to find Jonathan asleep on a deck chair in the back yard, a Kindle on his belly.
She smiled. He looked so peaceful just lying there, she didn’t want to wake him up but she had some news to share.
Jennifer carefully sat down on the edge on the chair, facing him and touched him gently on the shoulder.
“Hey, “, she almost whispered. It was enough to wake him up.
He looked at her with sleepy eyes. “Hey. You’re home.” He sounded tired.
“I want to talk to you about something. But let’s go inside, it’s a bit chilly out here.”
It was also getting very windy and clouds started covering the sky.
“You mean I have to get up?”, Jonathan asked, being only half serious.
Jennifer smiled again. “Yes. Come on.” he stood up and waited for him to do the same.
Jonathan grabbed his Kindle and followed her inside.
She had something to tell him. She got an offer but she wasn’t sure whether she should take it and wanted to discuss this with her husband. It would change some things for her, should she decide to do it but was she ready for it? Would she even be good at it? There were so many things to consider…

The drive home…

Jonathan couldn’t wait to get home. It’s been a stressful and exhausting day at work and he was tired.
He still had a 30 minute drive ahead of him which right now felt like an eternity. An eternity till he would see Jennifer again, get some rest and maybe even a piece of that red velvet cheesecake that he loved so much. If any of it was left.
The sun was setting and it started to get darker.
His mind was still at work, in the lab where he had started to set up an experiment. An experiment that, if it went the way he predicted, would have a great impact on the world of science. It would change things. If his calculations were correct…
Glenn told him he was crazy more than 3 times today because he just didn’t think it was possible.
Maybe Glenn was right, maybe it was crazy. Jonathan went over the equations again and again. There was no doubt in his mind and it was exciting and scary at the same time.
His discovery wasn’t even directly connected to the project they were working on, it was just some kind of happy accident.
The set up would take a few more days and then it would be time for the moment of truth.
The thought of it made him nervous so he tried to distract himself and direct his thoughts into a different direction.
He saw the trees and buildings rush by as he drove towards home and then he noticed that he didn’t even turn on the radio but decided he didn’t want to listen to anything right now. The quiet was good, his mind was loud enough already…

A new beginning…

When Jennifer came home on this beautiful Monday afternoon she walked slowly into the kitchen, enjoying the silence. It’s been a while since it was that quiet in the house.
She walked into the kitchen, through the back door into the back yard, closed her eyes and just listened to the wind and the birds and the ocean. It was peaceful. After a few minutes of just standing there she heard Jonathan’s car in the garage, a sound she didn’t mind hearing.
Not long after that she could hear him behind her, she turned around and he greeted her with a quiet “Hey.”
“Hey”, she replied and smiled at him.
He came closer and wrapped his arms around her from behind.
“Can you hear that?”, he asked.
“Silence.”, the both said in unison and chuckled.
“It’s nice to have the house to ourselves again. Just us… and the cat.” he added as he heard the soft meow.
Jennifer turned around and kissed him. “It feels like a new beginning and it’s kind of perfect.”
“I know.” Jonathan smiled. He looked happy.
They enjoyed a few more minutes in the back yard before they went back in to have dinner. Just the 2 of them, for the first time in a while….

Some #Jibcon pictures

Traveling in the world of my creation…

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You’ll be free
If you truly
Wish to be


Tagträume… ohne sie könnte ich nicht leben. Ohne sie wollte ich nicht leben. Und ich frage mich, was Menschen machen, die diese Tagträume nicht haben, die kein Universum in ihrem Kopf haben.

Mein Universum ist groß und anders, aber auch gleichzeitig vertraut. Ich selbst kommte dort nicht vor. Es leben dort Menschen, die ich besser kenne als mich selbst. Mit diesem Personen bin ich aufgewachsen, sie sind mit mir gewachsen. Was irgendwann in meiner Kindheit mal als Fan Fiction Fantasien anfing, hat sich selbständig gemacht und sich entwickelt zu einer komplexen Welt, die viele eigene Regeln hat, die schön und friedlich ist, wo es die Harmonie gibt, die ich brauche. Es gibt dort auch Liebe. Es gibt auch Schmerz und Verzweiflung und Sehnsucht, aber es gibt immer eine Lösung. Am Ende wird alles gut. Egal, was die Charaktere durchleben, sie finden immer wieder zu sich selbst zurück. Manche Geschichten, die sich dort abspielen sind einfach meine eigene Art, meine Erlebnisse des Tages zu verarbeiten. Kleinigkeiten inspirieren mich. Es sind Alltagssituationen oder auch große Abenteuer. Meine Charaktere sind schon in ein paralleles Universum geraten, sind sich selbst begegnet und ich habe alles vor mir gesehen. Die Sehnsucht nach der eigenen Welt, die Belastung, sich selbst zu sehen, ein Selbst, das völlig anders ist. Zu sehen, wozu andere Versionen von ihnen fähig sind. An anderen Tagen erleben sie einfache Dinge, sie feiern Geburtstag, kochen sich Tee und reden einfach miteinander. Es gibt das Haus am Meer, die kleine Stadt an der Küste, den Strand. Ich sehe die Welt genau vor mir, aber niemand anders wird sie jemals sehen können. Manchmal wünschte ich, ich könnte sie zeichnen. Ich habe versucht, die Geschichten aufzuschreiben, es hat nicht geklappt. Ich habe viele angefangene Geschichten und ich habe noch alte Notizen, die mehr als 20 Jahre als sind. Vieles hat sich geändert, es gab viele Szenarien, in die ich meine Charaktere geworden habe, aber ich bin am Ende immer wieder zurück zum Haus am Meer gekommen. Was sich nie geändert hat, ist die Liebe zwischen den beiden wichtigsten Charakteren, um die sich alles dreht. Sie finden immer zueinander, alles andere fühlt sich nicht richtig an. Mein Username kommt aus diesen Tagträumen. J. MacLean, geboren am 13. Februar. Der Name und das Geburtsdatum fühlten sich einfach richtig an. Es war so, als ob er mir sagte, daß es so ist, als ob er sich mir vorgestellt hat, sich und sein ganzes Leben inklusive der traumatischen Kindheit, seiner Wünsche und Träume, seiner Unsicherheiten und seiner Liebe, seiner unglaublichen Fähigkeit zu lieben. Und selbst in seiner Welt ist er anders als andere, aber das ist nicht schlimm.

Wenn ich mich in diese Welt träume, fühle ich mich geborgen. Jedenfalls glaube ich, daß es Geborgenheit ist, es ist etwas, was ich sonst nicht kenne. Ich fühle mich dort sicher und frei. Es ist eine besondere Freiheit, eine Freiheit des Geistes. Ich kann entdecken, ausprobieren und beobachten. Ich kann mich entfalten. Niemand verurteilt mich dort, in meinen Gedanken. Es muss niemandem gefallen. Es ist meine Welt. Und ich kann jederzeit dorthin. Jederzeit. Und ich verbringe viel Zeit dort. In der letzten Woche ganz besonders viel. J. hat viel durchgemacht in dieser Woche, aber jetzt ist es etwas ruhiger. Jetzt gerade ist er zu Hause, es hat geschneit und es ist hell draußen. Die Katze schläft. Es ist still. J. zeichnet gerne, und das tut er auch gerade. Beim Zeichnen ist er frei, genau wie ich in meinen Träumen….

Devil’s Bargain…

Spoiler Alert…obviously..




Die Folge war vollgepackt, es ist sehr viel passiert. Vielleicht zu viel. Jedenfalls hatte ich mich auf Danneel gefreut und war gespannt, wie ihre Rolle genau aussieht.

Erstmal rennt Cas blutend durch den Wald, fällt dann um und ist wieder geheilt und Lucifer ist nicht tot, sondern läuft auch nur durch die Gegend, entdeckt aber menschliche Gefühle wie Hunger und frieren. Er braucht Geld für Essen und sieht einen jungen Bettler mit einem kaputten Bein und macht das gleiche wie er, nur weniger erfolgreich. Von ihm erfäht Lucifer auch, daß es eine Wunderheilerin in der Stadt gibt, Sister Jo. Vorher hat Lucifer noch einem Cupid sein grace geklaut, aber er braucht mehr. Er denkt, daß Sister Jo, also Danneel, ein Engel sein könnte und will auch ihr grace. Sie ist tatsächlich ein Engel mit Name Anael, will aber mit Lucifer einen Deal machen. Sie gibt ihm freiwillig immer ein bißchen grace und er macht in Gegenzug…? Ich muss das nochmal sehen. Ich frage mich gerade, was sie davon hat. Sie will wohl Macht und tut sich mit Lucifer zusammen, der immer stärker wieder wird und dann.

Inzwischen ist Cas aber bei Dean und Sam angekommen und erzählt von Michaels Plänen und so weiter. Dann wollen sie Lucifer suchen und ihn töten aber sie stoßen dabei auch auf die Spur von Sister Jo. Zwischendurch holen sie auch noch Donatello den Propheten, der das Demon Tablet nach einem spell durchsuchen soll, der den Spalt zum anderen Universum öffnen kann. Aber Donatello braucht viel Hühnchen dafür und holt sich einen Eimer voll. Auf dem Weg zurück trifft er auf Asmodeus, der aber wieder als Cas verkleidet ist. Dieser gibt ihm eine Gehirnwäsche oder so und will daß Donatello alle Fortschritte mit dem spell an Asmodeus weitergibt. Asmodeus will jetzt auch Lucifer töten und Ketch taucht wieder auf, der ihm helfen soll. Dean und Sam und der echte Cas treffen auf Ketch, der ihnen vorschlägt, zusammenzuarbeiten, aber sie stecken ihn in den Kofferraum vom Impala. Natürlich kommt er da wieder raus.

Dean, Sam und Cas finden Sister Jo in dem Hotel, wo sie mit Lucifer ein Zimmer hat und sie bitten die 3 um Hilfe. Aber sie will sie nur reinlegen und im Hotelzimmer angekommen, als sie alle Lucifer gegenüberstehen, von dem sie glauben, er wäre geschwächt, werden sie von Sister Jo und Lucifer angegriffen. Kurz bevor die beiden aber die anderen 3 töten können, taucht Ketch wieder auf und rettet sie, Lucifer und Sister Jo landen irgendwo in der Wildnis.

Donatello findet tatsächlich diesen spell, aber die Zutaten sind wohl schwer zu bekommen oder so.

Lucifer und Sister Jo treffen noch auf eine Gruppe anderer Engel und versuchen sie davon zu überzeugen, daß Lucifer den Thron im Himmel übernehmen muss, weil er Engel herstellen kann (wie? warum?) und scheinbar gibt es nicht mehr viele davon. Als nächstes sieht man Lucifer auf dem Thron im Himmel sitzen, die anderen Engel knien vor ihm nieder und Sister Jo steht an Lucifers Seite. Ist jetzt Lucifer der neue Gott oder was? Und ich hatte so gehofft, daß sie ihn in dieser Folge endlich endgültig besiegen, lol…

Aber das war ja noch nicht alles. Zurück auf der Erde trifft Ketch wieder auf Asmodeus, der eine Gheimwaffe gefunden hat, mit dem man Erzengel töten kann, also Lucifer. Es ist ein Archangel Blade. Aber es kann nur beutzt werden von einem anderen Erzengel. Nur ist ja nun keiner davon mehr übrig……..oder doch? Surprise…wir sehen eine Zelle mir einer dreckigen, zerzausten Gestalt und er hebt seinen Kopf und es ist Gabriel. Der ist gar nicht tot…

Okay. Ich persönlich finde, es gibt einfach zu viele verschiedene Storylines und Charaktere, die alle irgendwie das gleiche wollen, aber irgendwie auch nicht. Mmhh….



The sound of the waves…

I miss being on the beach in Hawaii…